I stepped on the moment where I need to pend this chore to unwind. Vacation leverages its motion but here I am, fronting these pages and chose to isolate inside these four edge-closed boxes, from day to night, in my space, lamps did not falter to spot the darkness of my piece.
Hollowed serenity was interfered by the sudden sound of the door, followed by her impulsive tugs on my left arm, wearing a wide eyed and expressive excitement as she said, “Let’s go, have some fun!”
Ready to refuse the offer, I held on for a second, and thought that she rarely invites me, maybe her supposed company is unavailable. I draw my eye to what I left and innately witness myself searching for a reason. In fact, its vacation anyway, might as well enjoy a new experience? I’m also drained, I cannot fully seize an enough information, so it was useless, no resting.
“Okay I’ll go” I answered and faced with her YES! I KNEW IT face in convincing me, though I did not listen to her part, I was too, busy in convincing myself.
“When and where?” I shouted back inside as she retreated.
“to the Carnival”
6PM after that night she invites me, we roll on to the journey. I take the ticket she handed and go inside the place.
It's already dark, but the place is magical with its peached illumination with green and purple lights. People were painted by their excitement, some were laughing into each other’s arms or in a group eating together, and some were peacefully resting on the bench while staring up, head closed-up to each other, date couples. Joyful sounds, upbeat songs urging you to move your body and the screams everywhere revives an optimal state of mind, escaping reality.
Thud sounds of running engines reminds me of some accident scenarios in the Final Destination movie, a disastrous upturned break. Scary
I asked her what to ride first and she submissively suggested anything, clearly though to cherish the moment. She had a point; she just practically pertains that we're going to try them all. So, we tried the first nearby ride named, “Hung up Tower Ride”. This was my first time trying this ride. I always go for the merry-go-round and let myself be drained in the repetitive motion of the ride, but this was terrifying. In our turn, as the seats slowly made their way up, I hitch my breath, and then, it dropped, and I felt the organ retract. I’ve seen it coming and I thought I was ready, I was wrong. I still am not used to it when it drops again, I've always been surprised at how I unconsciously screamed.
After one ride, I felt the dizz, we tried more and I always get that feeling, in a way that is recharging rather than draining. The kind of drain that is not draining. With trying more, I found myself energetically pulling her for another ride, carelessly unbothered from worries, easing the flow of excitement and willingness to crave, more.
For the first time, I felt free, without the conviction of what ifs, leaving traces of regrets, doubts and just living for the moment.
No floating sights of “You need to pass this for that”, “You need to do this for that” but only the whispers of “Do this because you need this”, “Do this because you want it”, “Do it, you do it” and “Do it, you feel it and hold it”
I feel the heights of my soul asking, desiring risk. This is not all about the judgement nor fear of prospects, but all about the feeling of immaterial, unconventional, and uncontained, far beyond what is perceived. Feeling of experience without trails of regrets. Just an erratic and vast moment of wander to feel free. An eternal picture of firsts with numerous times of “Hey, we meet again”.
.
Cannot foresee the times to feel this liberty when life itself is a reality bundled with responsibility and consequences. Weighing and bottled-seeking to avoid the repetition of “What did I do?” and the painted “it hurts” with “I’ve seen this before, now it’s clear”.
Cannot foresee the times to feel this liberty when life itself is a reality bundled with responsibility and consequences. Weighing and bottled-seeking to avoid the repetition of “What did I do?” and the painted “it hurts” with “I’ve seen this before, now it’s clear”.
Negativity never waived to drown us, but perceptivity has its own track to bestow visions that will lift us up.
I eyed the number I chose before throwing the ball, and just like the mechanics of these game, the rule to win is all just a matter of luck, trust and a matter of trying, being patient for the results and so life itself is complicated to figure out and a roller coaster life-ride, enough path, with or without your control, will turn onto their own way that will still surprise you.
You’ll never know but you will certainly experience it, might as well, cherish and embrace all because you’ll never know when and where the end is. No criterion
That’s the carnival for you, your magical place of uncertainty, rides of emotion and risks beyond exploration.
A passage from Voice: In Places
© 2021 Deinty Woodtales