I can say darling, that you’re still lost,you’re still not home, where do you plan to go then?
“Right! For the final seal, please sign this Mr. and Mrs. Walkin” Mama Hanya did not bother to hide the gladness she had when she found out, at last, someone picked me for adoption.
Before I met my soon to be parents, she can’t stop mumbling how lucky I was to be adopted
To be chosen, as kids living in this sanctuary is lucky, lucky to finally leave the house and be with your family, the family that chose to adopt me.
I didn’t know about that, and I can’t say that I’m lucky either, all I know is that I will be leaving my friends from the barn, they’ll be sad, I’ll be sad, and I hope that they’re protected on their home even without me.
Other kids leaving this place doesn’t look happy, nor thankful, just confused and fearful from the chance of sudden change of their course.
I bet, they don’t have a choice, I don’t have a choice either, but to believe on our nannie’s tale that it’s a blessing to finally got the chance to grow with someone, grow in other’s foster and care.
I didn’t know the truth behind their entails until it’s my turn, I could describe the feeling of desire to stay but the case is, there’s no turning back and they won’t let that happen either.
“I have a feeling for this” that’s what nanas’ said, and it’s for my future.
My future is in my family’s hands, Mr., and Mrs. Walkin
“He’s not that talkative, ma’am?” asked of the lady before settling their seal.
“Yes, and I picked him for that, he’s kind of special, he got a special bond with nature and maybe a little bit of naughtiness inside when keeping secrets, but it's fine! Kids! Nothing to worry! It’s just a silly thing that kids were protective about” Mama nervously defend what she’s referring, referring to my gradual law breakings on the lawn.
Guess that’s a hum to hear, she’s not aware, I don’t know, maybe no one knows or a little beetle secret of other me’s out there inside.
But they’re safe, I hope they’ll stay safe
“He’s not fond of other kids but can still bond enough, I think he prefers to be alone most of his days” she continued while signally gazing to me.
I don’t want to leave, I express my disapproval, showing sadness to tell that I’m not happy. She seemed to notice then kneel in front of me, enough level “I know it’s hard my kid, but it’s just the first, the very first reaction from anything unfamiliar, and its normal honey, you’ll get used to it okay? You’ll see, I can also tell that you’ll forget this place too as soon as you entered into your soon to be space. For now, trust, and think that you have a family now and they chose you, they want you.” Looking intently to her, trying to gauge in what she’s referring but, in the process, it doesn’t matter as I can tell in her eyes the comfort of, I just need to trust, trust them, their hands, their hold.
Walking away, holding both hands of Mr. and Mrs. Walkin, I look back from the house I stayed in for 4 years of existence, memories I can’t even remember but should cherish.
One last look, I’d seen her “it’s for your best, I love you” is the last gesture I read on her lips before stepping inside the car.
“We’re home!” Mrs. walkin call as soon of arrival on the place. From her call, group of kids around twenty counts were lined straight with their identical outfits, boys with their neat, gelled style hair and girls with their ponytails.
Are they, my family? Prim, disciplined and obedient, goodies from previous home just different outfit, nicer but a daze of tire, they’re all tired.
Someone yawns, testifying my assumptions, and Mrs. Walkin starts to nag, getting mad at her, that fast.
Calling her out, insulting until she starts to shake in fear before crying, a reason for her to get punished.
I look at Mr. Walkin who’s standing blindsight, watching the whole scene, he felt the gaze pointed at him and smiled at me, an eerie and disturbing one.
“Welcome to our house Mr. Kin, hope you will enjoy the life we will give to you”
Just like that, nothing special happens on our turn, just the usual bond with other kids cleaning the house and doing some chore together, that’s the treat as the ‘usual bond’ trade from them says, “we are a family, so we should work together as one, we should move as one, no one should be left immovable, we must work and work this age”
“Do we consider ourselves as siblings? should we?” I guess more is bearable yet unbearable?
“I guess just a family, yea, a family, not as siblings” he said, family not as siblings what’s supposed to mean by that?
“Why should we work?” he stopped to ponder about the question, bothered from the constant inquiry
“It’s a study to learn for a living I guess?” replied by his, well, I haven’t done this before I guess
“Are we allowed to talk with them?” referring to Walkin’s
“That, no, you can’t, they don’t want it, you’ll only get scowled and they’re busy, other kids who dared to were pushed on their rightful places, and we don’t know what place it is” his strong conviction of my possible future attempts.
“But are they, our parents?” confusing question to ask as to how I will act inside the family, how does the family work as love and care for growth and guidance anyway?
“Yes, that’s what they said, that’s why we need to work because they are our parents, and we’re lucky, we are lucky to have them as parents”
“For me, it’s not” my unthinkable response in him, my gut says no.
“You can say that, for now, but you’ll then realized that you’re lucky, have you ever experienced being with a family?” No, I haven’t, my unattended answer to his wonders but
Lucky is freedom and freewill and fun
Not this,
Family? I don’t know
I’m wrong, they’re not alike from the kids in previous home, they’re much more like mama, the grown ones, the restricted and limited ones.
After we finished the tasks with more silence than what I’d previously contempt from my previous home, it’s our dead end, and dining together is not an exception.
Silence has never been a problem to me, I lived up with them most of the time by choice but with this place, its bothering, something’s not right, something’s screaming.
They’re too good to be true, too obedient to be good
It’s not normal, it should have at least some noises, at least a whisper, some faulties, but no, everything’s polished and fine, they seemed to mind their own plate and spaces.
Or perhaps it’s just me and my expectation? or maybe because it’s my first and I expect it to somehow, different from what I lived my life to.
“Why there is no one ever talking?” whisper to my seatmate, he ignored me at first but then replied in lean and cautious volume “it’s a must, mama says talking is a waste just like how you should treat the food like a waste, says it’s a sign of ungratefulness to the blessings if you talk much.”
Like I’ve got big problems with silence before, no big deal but not talking? How am I going to talk with someone if I want to know about them? Especially Mr. and Mrs. walkin who adopted me?
“Just in the face of food?” paused for a minute before replying, moving his head as a signal of ‘no’ before stating “in anything”
Here’s a funny thought kin, you left your home and moved into another home, you met your family, and together you clean the house in silence.
Now you’re in bed with the family in one room, identical to the previous bed you’ve used to slept with in previous home, only that, without windows to peek with.
Sounds weird,,
“Yes, it’s weird indeed, tell me more” someone’s voice before opening my eyes and see the bear in front.
A bear!
He stumbled upon, and stepped back, surprised seeing me on wake. I am too
“Is that you, you can talk?” I asked, surprised that he talks, probably he’s the only one near fore front my eyes.
Moving his head as no, he rushed to stand, I laughed while also rushing to stand and preparing to chase him as he distanced, mirroring his moves.
If not, why did he even at least understand what I asked?
He even replied! Oh no, not today bear bear, don’t go away
“Wait, wait for me, wait, you talked! Bear bear you talked!”
What is this place, where am I?
“Wait!” while wondering, I focused my head on the running bear, I need that bear!
I don’t know this place
Running and running, I stepped in the place where kids were scattered around
I searched for any signs of bear and seen him heading on the main entry of the place, looking like an eye fish with deer thorned head.
I lost him! I think? Following through the entry, the guard blocked the pave
“You are not allowed in here, kids only” the guard’s blocking
“But I’m a kid, I’m still a kid, I’m 8 years of age is that young enough?” reasoning out while eyes roaming inside, looking for a bear!
“Hunters are forbidden on this place, what is your name?” his insists while I try to step in, looking for any chances but failed to.
“Look sir, you can’t sue me, I’m not a hunter, I’m 8 and a child” setting my eyes upon his, only to be met by not so convinced expression. Pissed from any more attempts to insist, he hold both sides of my shoulders before turning me around.
He turned me around to face something, reflections
“And you know, by laws that chasing bears is not good, you’re a threat” I, staring on the imagery of something superficial, surprisingly teen.
Is that me? Staring at the teenage-surprised expression me on the mirror?
Impossible, now that I’m thinking about it, where am I really?
Still confused, I ask “Sir, where am I really?” he looked at me, accusing, as if I’m making up excuses before pulling me on the place where he said I should be in.
“Wait, you’ve mistaken, I don’t know this place, please just let this thing pass, don’t lock me in” I plead, seeing the space for caging me in.
“Listen boy, you’re in Nanoland and on this land, aiming for animal cruelty and latching is a crime”
“You belong in this cell until you realized your mistakes boy, and can pay for its price, until then, just lay in there” he said before finally locking me up on the cell, a floating cell.
“Wait, please you’ve mistaken, I don’t belong in here! I mean, I might but the entire place! I don’t know this entire place! This Nanoland!” my screams, for any hopes of someone who listens even though I know that it fell completely on deaf set of ears.
But the only reply I get is silence.
Really? This day again? How long?
A passage from Voice 2: I seek
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