Still enjoying your show honey? What do you think?
She holds her breath and gaze upon the stage where the man held down the performance, playing three hoops at a time while dozens of doves’ hovers around him, and with the sudden trump, shaded fog filled the stage followed by a gradual fire.
She can’t take her eyes off from the platform, watching, as man plays on his performance, unbothered from the changes around his paces.
Everyone seem to be bothered from the game prizes and the adrenalines of rides but in her eyes, this stage is the best and wonderful place she ever been spotted.
The show ends by the shift of fiery ambience into natured lights surrounded by grass fields with large trees and birds’ chirp.
One root tied with tree trunks led the man to fly around up stage and audiences, completely letting him leave the entire show as a closing of trees dancing with butterflies hailing.
Holding the hand of her mother, she moved slightly to get her attention, “It's amazing momma! I want to get in there someday and fly with birds too” she said enthusiastically, her mother smiled at her “You’ll get there if you believe honey” her assurance and word of support while witnessing the hopes of her child’s eyes.
The child smiled and hoped for another show, but to no avail, its only for that time. With the breath of bliss without disappointment, she invited her mother to play one game and they won a big hammer plush, bigger than her height.
After the day of her encounter with the show, she can’t stop but always dabble about what she’d seen, describing the show to her friends, relatives and even to her pets!
She also can’t stop but visualize herself standing on the stage, facing the audience area, performing, only that, with no audience ever watching. She doesn’t mind the emptiness of the crowd, with heart’s full, she’s enough, and she continue, moving around the stage, doing things what she wants to do or try while the change of atmosphere goes according to her, in nature way.
She loves how her mind goes and this vision of her kept on surface whenever she face any reflection or when picking up some clothes, she’ll flow with it, and wants to kept it as a secret to cherish.
People around her don’t mind her fascination from the show, no one minds her thought, though, because of her energy about it, everyone seem interested, so they tried to watch one too, in different places from her spot.
Until she met someone from the event that her family attended in, she met someone similar at her sister’s age around 23 years of age.
The event is held for the anniversary celebration of the company that both of her parents working in. An open invitation for everyone that is invited by their employees.
A grand and grateful company party,
As child and free she is, she talked to anyone she’d beam as an opportunity to. She met a stranger who first smiled at her while getting some food from the table
The girl she had a contact with assist her when she tried to cater two plates and one cup, attempting to hold both using only with her two little hands, imitating what she’d seen on the show.
Noticing the impossibility of the child’s way in holding the plate while impressed on her appetite in eating goody foods is a privileged but to thought that it will only fall into a waste in a fuzzy way is something that’s unplausible.
“I want to try holding them both, I can do that in my dreams” the child reasoned out while the girl tries to hold the other plate on child’s left, she let her have it before entailing her the visions she has, the show she loved and the dreams on her hand.
The girl patiently listens on the kid’s detailed description and realized something “The show you’re talking about… is that the show premiered only on carnival spaces that no one paid attention to?” raising her eyebrow, thinking about the child’s perspective.
“No! there’s an audience, LOTS of THEM, and I was there too, people in there are amazing, they’re amazing, it’s amazing to watch, it's amazing to be their audience!” said excitedly of the child, dodging the girl’s thought.
“I believe I could get there, you could get there too if you want to, if you believe, you can! You will!” added of a child from what she remembered.
“Of course, you can and sure everyone can if they want to, but they don’t, you see” realistic view of the girl. The child then gave her curious look while nodding “They do, I’ve seen them on stage.”
“Not all you see on the stage are true, and audience in a little space for a little stage is not enough, sometimes their performers’ performance is not enough for the audience expectation. Sometimes performers are just forced for the show to just keep running and for their own need in life. Small stage, sometimes can’t lead them anywhere, they’re just in there, making fun and seen as funny and useless.” Skeptical thought of the girl, oblivious on how intently the kid is paying, seizing the thought, and thinking about the people around the show.
The people around, the laughter, the small stage, the number of audiences on the end of show. The expression of the man while performing is forced, sad and tired, the audience bore faces, disinterested, if not distracted, its disappointment or sometimes irritability.
It doesn’t feel right, the child thought about it, and it made her sad.
“Little compared to those entertainment productions with company’s support and sponsorships its not enough, their stage is not enough in the eye of audience appeal. If not from their setting, it’s the poor performance but all in, they still deserve a recognition too, a big one, because of the effort, they did their work too you know, it shouldn’t be the title that always need the title, it should be the work, but still, kind of unfair to receive a little recognition from those creativity, its huge, it’s a huge deal that other is taking for granted, as for you, don’t be like them uh-huh.” girl’s double-edged opinion that provoked the eyes of the child to wander a second thought.
Curious about it, the trigger of thoughts began to occur, different from her previous visions about it, this time, much heavier and bothersome far from being peaceful, dreamy, and exciting, it changed.
One night, the child seen her uncle in the yard with her father, she randomly asks “Do you like carnival shows uncle?” the child’s uncle paid curiously before answering “Maybe no, maybe yes, but who cares if no one likes it, if I don’t like it, if they’re happy on what they’re doing they will do it anyway regardless the number of attention and supporters” said her uncle putting his hand on her head “Why’d you ask that?”
“She loves carnival shows, let her be maybe she’s just wandering and curious about it” replied by her father to his uncle before they laughed about it into each other.
The child continues to wander until she can’t help but extend it with her friends.
“They’re not amazing, creepy to watch, not fun, deserve to be shut, just scaring around, crazy” her one friend’s reaction about carnival shows.
Until then, when a trigger comes for her visions to crept in, she can see herself performing alone the stage, no one’s watching, and she’s in there, wandering around, crying, scared, feeling lonely, in rage and sometimes screaming while moving.
No one’s watching, no one’s supporting
Alone.
She’s afraid... of silence... of the empty crowd,
she lost it,
so, she changed something.
20 years later….
A passage from Voice 2: I seek
© 2022 Deinty Woodtales